Wednesday, April 12, 2006

The Perfect Hickey

Remember back in grade school, when the less popular kids would put vacuum cleaner hoses to their neck to give themselves hickeys so people would think they got some action from little Suzy (Ok, some of you did this all throughout college... that's ok)? Well I, inadvertently mind you, discovered a better way to give yourself the perfect hickey...

It all started at 6:15am this morning. I crawled my still-sleeping ass out of bed and stumbled into the shower. After washing the 2.5lbs of crust from my eyes, I looked in the little shower mirror and said to myself, "You look like Andre Agassi with a drinking problem. You need to shave." I grabbed my Gillette Fusion razor & realized it's been a while since I've changed the blade. This thing was dull. DULL. So, change the blade right? Wrong. The new blades are still sitting in the kitchen where I left them. If you think I'm going to hop my wet naked ass out of the warm shower and go streaking through the cold ass house to get some fucking razors you're sadly mistaken. I said fuck it, I'm a real man, I'll use the dull razor.

All was going well until I got to the neck. That damn razor tore every last bit of hair out with a vengeance. Leaving a perfect hickey right below my Adam's Apple.

Now fast forward to 8:05am... right now, actually, sitting here at work... with a fucking hickey looking wound on my neck for the corporate world to see.

Do I admit my shaving mishap? Or do I stick with that story of that poor Latina hottie on the side of the road...


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